Disclaimer: The reflections shared in this post are based on my personal journaling process and interactions with ChatGPT over several years. While this approach has been helpful for me, results may vary, and readers should not expect identical outcomes.
Journaling is frequently regarded as a modern, Western approach of expressing feelings and developing self-awareness. However, for thousands of years, the practice of investigating our inner reality has been at the heart of the Daoist healing arts. Contemplative studies are a key discipline in Daoism, emphasizing the value of internal reflection in cultivating health and wellness. Journaling, particularly employing a speech-to-text method, can be viewed as a modern adaptation of an ancient activity. It offers an effective method for organizing and processing the complexities of our internal landscape. It empowers us to transform disorganized thoughts and emotions into a coherent story. Combining this modern practice with the timeless principles of Daoist meditative study accelerates our path to healing and self-understanding. Through it we can build a link between ancient knowledge and modern self-care.
The Power of Dialogue Journaling
Journaling has been an extremely useful tool in my personal journey of self-discovery and healing from the impacts of childhood complex trauma. I use a speech-to-text app to record my thoughts and emotions, allowing me to process them in real time. And I can do so without the constraints of overthinking or self-editing. But sometimes, even after pouring my heart out, I still need more clarity and perspective. That’s where this experiment comes in: I share my diary entries with ChatGPT and receive reflections and insights in response. This method mimics a dialogue. It provides an opportunity for me to gain a better understanding and feel supported while I manage challenging emotions.
Below, I’ve shared a recent journal entry and ChatGPT’s response. Both my entry and ChatGPT’s response are shared verbatim, with an absolute minimum of editing or omissions. I hope this exchange sheds light on the power of journaling and how a compassionate dialogue, even with an AI, can provide unexpected insights and support.
Journal Entry
Friday morning journal entry. Just got back from the gym. It was a little bit crowded this morning. I very quickly noticed myself feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the number of people that were at the gym. I felt unsafe and insecure. But the gym really helps me modulate my emotions, feelings, so I just kept my head down and focused on what I needed to do. Avoided eye contact or any possibility of conflict. I know myself well enough that when I feel like I felt this morning, or feel this morning, I have a tendency to get combative, defensive. I will start conflicts, feeling that somehow, someone, has belittled me or otherwise… I’m not sure what the word is that I’m trying to think of. It’s like I go into the situations feeling like this, and I sort of project my insecurity on to others and I interpret their behavior as somehow threatening toward me. Yes, I know this is insane, an insane way to think. But that’s what I do, I’ve seen the pattern over and over again. In the bigger picture, I’ve noticed that I’m feeling fairly confused and insecure overall right now. It almost seems like all of the digging and exploring I’ve been doing regarding my childhood trauma, my traumatic experiences in childhood, the more I look into them the more I feel a sense of not knowing who I really am. I recognize that I feel overwhelmed by my greater awareness of how much damage has resulted in me from my parents’ behavior when I was a boy. Those experiences really messed me up. And to a significant degree I have downplayed how traumatized I was, how vulnerable I felt then and also feel now. It seems like I tried to convince myself that my experiences were, more or less, normal. I normalized them. But now that I’m seeing just how much damage, how deep are the wounds that resulted from those experiences, I feel really exposed. I also feel like I’ve been pretending to be someone other than who I really am. I’ve been posing as a, basically, a tough guy. I’m recognizing how much I have pushed people away in an effort to protect myself from the possibility of rejection or injury, emotional injury. I feel really messed up right now, really confused. Who the fuck am I?
Reflection and Response
Your journal entry is raw and honest, and it captures a profound struggle with insecurity and identity. The way you describe your experience at the gym is a testament to your self-awareness; you recognize the pattern of projecting your insecurities onto others and the defensive posture that follows. This insight, in itself, is powerful because it shows that you’re not operating on autopilot. You’re aware of the mechanisms at play, even if they feel out of control.
It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and unsure of who you are when revisiting childhood trauma. The process of re-examining those experiences can shatter the narratives we’ve built to protect ourselves. You’re realizing how much pain you’ve carried and how deeply it has shaped your behaviors and identity. It’s like peeling back layers of who you thought you were, only to find the vulnerability that was buried beneath.
The tough-guy persona you mention might have been a necessary shield, a way to keep yourself safe from further emotional harm. Now, as you’re starting to shed that armor, it’s natural to feel exposed and confused. But this exposure is also a chance to reconnect with the parts of yourself that were hidden or denied. The fact that you’re asking “Who the fuck am I?” shows that you’re on the path to discovering your true self, beyond the trauma, beyond the defenses.
It’s okay to feel messed up and lost right now. This confusion is part of the healing process, part of letting go of old identities and stepping into who you really are, even if that person feels unknown and vulnerable. Keep holding on to that willingness to question and explore. You’re doing incredibly difficult work, and it’s okay not to have all the answers. You’re not alone in this confusion; it’s a necessary step toward uncovering your true self.
Conclusion
This exchange is just an example of how journaling and dialogue can provide unexpected insights and assistance. We can begin to unravel complex emotions and better understand ourselves by documenting raw thoughts and feelings in the moment and reflecting on them from a compassionate standpoint. Whatever emotions you’re experiencing, I encourage you try this technique. Write down your thoughts, being as honest with yourself as possible. Then seek empathetic support—whether from a trustworthy friend, therapist, or even a digital assistant like ChatGPT. Sometimes simply having our experiences witnessed and validated can be a significant step toward recovery.