Let’s be honest for a moment. If you’ve been through a lot—especially the sort of deep emotional turmoil that results from a difficult childhood—inner calm may seem like some sort of cosmic joke. Sure, that’s for monks or people who had stable parents, not for people like us. Daoist philosophy has taught me, however, that inner tranquility is not about always feeling good or pretending everything’s great. It’s about knowing how to live in balance, even when life seems chaotic.
What Daoists Mean by “Harmony”
Harmony in Daoism is not about control. It’s not about fixing everything or becoming some enlightened zen master. Harmony is about movement, flow. It’s like observing a river flow around a boulder. The river and the rock have no quarrel. It doesn’t stop and say, “Ugh, this again?” It simply flows around it. That’s our goal. Just flow, not perfection.
Daoists use the term “he,” pronounced much like “huh,” to denote harmony or balance. It’s not fixed. It’s always changing. Like the way your body remains balanced even when you walk on uneven terrain—it’s always adjusting to maintain your upright posture. Emotional harmony is similar to that. Responsiveness, not stillness.
Trauma Knocks You Off Center
Ongoing trauma, particularly in childhood, throws your entire system off. Your nervous system, your energy, your emotions—all of them become stuck in survival mode. Everything in you is either too much or too little. You can’t rest, you can’t feel safe, and attempting to “relax” just feels like a trap.
Daoist wisdom fits here. Though it won’t erase your past, it can enable you to reconnect with yourself. Softly. With patience. Without any pressure to achieve.
How You Start Finding That Harmony Again
Allow me to walk you through some techniques—not only in theory but in real life—that can make a difference.
1. Meditation that doesn’t try to fix you.
Daoist meditation is straightforward. You need not sit absolutely still for an hour or “clear your mind.” Simply lie down or sit, close your eyes, and observe your breathing. Allow your ideas to drift in and out like clouds. No judgement. You’re just giving your system a break, not attempting to be a good meditator. With time, this opens up space within you. What about that space? That’s where tranquility begins to grow.
2. Breathing like your life depends on it—because it does.
Try this: Place one hand on your chest and one on your abdomen below your belly button. Breathe such that your belly moves more than your chest. Abdominal breathing—which literally soothes your nervous system—is what it’s called. Daoist qigong employs this type of breathing to shift trapped energy and restore flow to all aspects of being. In only a few minutes, you’ll see the change. It’s like letting fresh air into a stuffy room.
3. Move like water.
Have you ever seen someone practice tai chi? It resembles underwater slow dancing. Soft, elegant, and completely non-aggressive. But you might not see how strong it is for emotional regulation. Moving your body slowly and deliberately helps your thoughts to slow down as well. You reconnect. You ground. You recall that you have a body—and that it’s not only a vessel for suffering.
4. Eat to feel, not to numb.
I understand; food can be a loaded topic. Many of us have used it as a coping tool, a way to escape. Daoist nutrition, however, is about harmony and feeling nourished rather than numbed. Cooked, warm foods. Simple meals. Eating at consistent times. Steering clear of extremes. You’re merely providing your body what it needs to maintain emotional equilibrium, neither too little nor too much. It’s like hugging your inner self from the inside out.
5. Get outside and touch the real world.
Getting your bare feet on the ground is one of the quickest ways to return to oneself. Rest on the grass. Observe the passing clouds. Daoism holds that the Dao is nature itself. Therefore, if you feel completely cut off, nature can restore your connection to yourself. Just be out there and let it hold you for a while; you need not do anything.
And Don’t Forget the Daoist Way: Keep It Simple
You need not be flawless. You don’t have to solve everything right now. Daoist philosophy emphasizes simplicity, humility, and kindness. Especially for yourself. You’re practicing the Dao already if you can do one little thing every day to support your inner equilibrium.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Rebalancing
That’s the core of it. You’re not broken. You’ve been thrown off kilter, yet balance is something you can return to. Not by pushing harder but by softening. By listening. By flowing.
Begin modestly. A single breath. A single step. A bowl of soup. A stroll outside.
The Daoist route to inner serenity is not a finish line but rather a soft return to who you were always meant to be.